Dealing With Rejection

QUESTION: Dealing with rejection - How to get past the hurt?

ANSWER:

Dealing with rejection is something we've all had to face in our lifetimes, but there is probably no rejection that hurts worse than that of the opposite sex. I think some of the worst words in the English language are, "you're not my type" or " I don't like you like that." I have faced rejection a couple of times so I speak from experience when I say rejection can leave you feeling devastated.

I remember when I was in high school and I really liked this girl that lived across the street from me. In many ways, I look at her as my first love. I spent a lot of time hanging out with this girl, trying to get her to like me. I thought deep in my heart that the feelings I had for her were mutual. After all, she seemed to care for me as much as I did for her, but as I would later find out, the relationship was very one sided.

No matter the type of rejection you are suffering, be it personal from other sources, such as the rejection of a manuscript from a publisher, there are simple steps you can take in dealing with rejection and getting past the hurt.

• There is an end to the pain. The problem with rejection is that it hurts and depending on the circumstances, it may take a while to get over. What you tell yourself is what you will believe, so tell yourself that no matter what, you are going to get through this and move on. It is always helpful to focus on the end of the hurt and pain rather than focusing on the pain itself. There is some truth to the old adage of dusting yourself off and getting back on the horse that threw you. Focusing on the rejection and the hurt only strengthens the pain.
  
  
• Don't take it personally. This is probably the hardest thing to do because, of course, most people take rejection personally. I know when my first love rejected me, I spent a long time trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Then I realized maybe it was not me that was at the center of the rejection! Perhaps I was not the type person she felt herself led to be with in a relationship other than friendship. So try not to take it personally when you're rejected: it may not have anything to do with you!
  
  
• Learn and move on. Truthfully, the only way to get over rejection is to learn from the rejection and move on. Being rejected by someone is not the end of anything; it is the beginning of learning. We need to take the time and effort to work out for ourselves the reason or reasons we were rejected in the first place. This will give us the necessary information we need to overcome the rejection so we can move on.
  
  I was still very close to the girl who rejected me. I talked to her about why she rejected me and found out that I was a little tame for her liking. This information helped me to see the rejection for what it was: a difference in our value systems. I was able to move on with my life. Confronting the person who rejected you doesn't always work. If you feel approaching your rejecter would lead to more problems, you shouldn't do it.
  
  
• Turn rejection into acceptance. I can assure you the pain does lesson and the hurt does go away if you let it. You must turn the rejection into an acceptance of yourself for who you are and not what you feel the other person wants you to be. Do not try to change yourself only to impress someone else because eventually you may come to resent it. Sooner or later someone will accept you as the person you are and will feel the same way about you that you feel about them. It only takes time and patience.

To sum it all up, dealing with rejection and getting past the hurt is not easy, but it can be done. You need to get up, learn from the experience, and move on with your life. It is that simple but also that complicated. I can tell you from experience that there are times I still look back and wonder, "what if?" Then, I look at where I am now and think to myself, "I really would not change a thing!"