Depression After Miscarriage

QUESTION: Depression After Miscarriage - How Do I Heal Emotionally?

ANSWER:

Depression after miscarriage is a very common occurrence. Nearly every woman who has had a miscarriage battles with the question of "How do I heal emotionally?" The emotional healing is usually much more difficult than the physical healing. Although time will heal her to a certain extent, there are certain emotions each woman must come to understand. Here is the story of a woman who came through the anguish, and is glad to share her experience with you in the hope that you, too, can experience the same comfort and reassurance that she found.

"Two days before Christmas, my husband and I boarded a plane for home to be with my family. We were especially excited because I was five months pregnant after having had a missed abortion (an incomplete miscarriage) several months earlier. I made the trip well, with nothing more than a low backache - nothing that I hadn't experienced many times before. The baby was active, and every movement of those tiny arms and legs sent shivers of joy into my soul. After a restless first night in the guest quarters, with my backache still going, I got up to go to the bathroom. The panic I felt as I sat on the toilet is as fresh today as it was that morning several years ago. Something was poking out 'down there' that shouldn't have been. There was no bleeding or pain, but I was scared to death and sent my husband to get my mother.

"Mom had me lie in the back seat of her car, and she drove us quickly to the small-town hospital a few miles away. The 'something' that was poking out was the amniotic sac. I was dilated five centimeters and counting. The general practitioner vainly tried to stop or stall the labor. Several hours later, I delivered an active one-pound perfectly formed boy, who was laid uncovered a few feet away and abandoned by the nurse. I watched helplessly as my son died while the doctor finished his work on me. The emptiness of my anguished soul matched the emptiness of my womb.

"On Christmas Eve, as I recuperated on Mom's couch, the joy of the season began to turn to bitterness. The bitterness filled me for days, then weeks, then months. I could not find happiness anywhere. My husband was frustrated with my attitude. I was frustrated with him for not understanding. Mostly, I was mad at God, and I didn't know what to do about it. I believed or thought I believed that God loved me. Why did He let this happen? Didn't He care?

"Then, I read in the New Testament, Hebrews 12:15, 'See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled'(NASB). Somehow, God spoke to my heart with this. I realized I wasn't experiencing the grace of God because I was holding onto my bitterness. I was causing problems in my marriage by keeping this bitterness as if it were a treasure. I was driving away friends on a daily basis. That day, with many tears, I knelt in my apartment and told God I was sorry for not trusting Him and asked Him to please reveal to me the purpose of my loss.

It would be nice to be able to say that immediately I felt great and that I understood perfectly everything I wanted to know. Not so, but I did feel better. Over time, I came to understand how one person's sorrow can be helpful to both that person and to others. Another part of the New Testament, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says, 'Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.'"

"Many times since those terrible dark days, I have been able to reassure grieving mothers that God does indeed love them, and that they can know Him and the depths of His love, if they are willing to lay down their anger, hurt, bitterness, and sadness, and let the Father of compassion, the God of all comfort turn their mourning into gladness as it says in the Psalms. Because I have faith in Jesus as my Savior, I know that one day I will see my lost son again, and on that day all will be perfect. "I now have three grown children and two grandchildren, and still believe in God's immense and unfailing love."

Are you experiencing depression after miscarriage? Your bitterness, anger, and hurt can be healed and your mourning can be turned to gladness. God loves you more than you can comprehend, and in that great love He wants to help you to heal emotionally.