Am I A Controlling Person

QUESTION: Am I A Controlling Person?

ANSWER:

If you have ever asked yourself, "Am I a controlling person?" perhaps you should examine yourself closely to see if you possess any of the following tendencies. The need to be in control can be a very strong personality trait; it comes in many disguises.

A person who needs to be in control must know all the answers up front; they cannot wait patiently to see how events may turn out or what other people may have planned. They do not trust others' competency or the power of God to take care of the details of life. This may be exhibited in constant questioning, badgering, and second-guessing of others' decisions. People needing to be in control do not take instruction well; they tend to want to do things their way, feeling they can do it better or faster.

Controlling people are often domineering. These kinds of people want to tell others what to do. Controlling people may be impatient and short-tempered; if things do not go their way, they may become irritable or unpleasant.

Co-workers, bosses, friends, and family members are sometimes made miserable when they are around people who must be in control. Controlling people veritably suffocate others with suggestions of "how to do things better," "if I were you, I would. . ." and "why don't you. . .?" They are not content to just make suggestions; they must have an affirmative answer or no one can be at peace.

If your family or social environment is often replete with discord and confusion or your relationship to authority is one of rebellion and insubordination, you may want to ask yourself, "Am I a controlling person?" The basis of the problem for most controlling people is an abject lack of trust in God. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

Often a person may feel (or has deceived themselves into thinking) they are showing love and concern for others by controlling circumstances. However, it is often their own need for control that is at work, the gratifying of their own emotions and exercising of their narrow sense of what is right.

These kinds of people need to surrender their cares and concerns to the Lord, including their concerns for others and their need to know everything in advance. When you relinquish control to God, you will obtain an assurance of peace

Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Of course God is the One Who is in control anyway. Matthew 6:27 states, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" A controlling person begins to relinquish control when they surrender their concerns to the Lord. 1 Peter 5:7 challenges people to "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."