Anger Management With Children

QUESTION: Anger management with children -- What are some helpful tips for keeping my cool while disciplining?

ANSWER:

Utilize anger-management skills when disciplining children, this is vital. Children are often an easily available soft target for a parent's anger. Be careful not to direct anger toward your children when the source of that anger is somewhere else.

Discipline with love, not anger. Discipline is necessary, but do so with love and patience. Let your children know you love them; that you are trying to teach them to behave appropriately because you love them. Learning and using anger-management skills can prevent your anger from escalating and going out of control. Learn to identify the early warning signs of anger and rage. Keep these indicators of anger in your mind when dealing with your defenseless children.

The real reason you are angry could be because:

• You've had an extremely difficult day at work
• You are angry at your spouse or someone else
• You are over exhausted or feeling physically sick

These are just a few examples of when not to take on your children! Is this always practical? No, of course it isn't! But when you do have a choice, let your spouse handle them for a while. Tell your children they could stay in their rooms until you have had a chance to relax and gain composure.

Anger management skills: How do you relax and regain your composure?

• Take a deep breath. Decide if it is really the children you are upset about.
• Take a little time out for yourself -- perhaps take a relaxed bath, or sit outdoors with a glass of hot chocolate or iced tea.
• When the atmosphere is tense and charged, get away from the scene. Remove yourself from the immediate area.
• Seek outside help. Call a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor. Consider taking a parenting course.
• Spend time in prayer. Ask God to bring calmness into your soul and remove your uncontrolled anger. Have faith that He does answer prayer.

You can control your anger at the children
Anger, though a natural emotion, is something you can choose to control! You cannot let your anger get out of control. You cannot get violent or hostile with young children. Children are a special gift entrusted to us to love, care for, teach, and raise. Begin each morning with this prayer, "Thank you God for my children." Be conscious always that they are a blessing, that you are blessed to have them. Pray to God daily for strength and peace to deal with your anger and your children. Ephesians 6:4 says, "And now a word to you fathers. Don't make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord."

This does not mean "do not discipline,” it means do not discipline out of anger and frustration. Proverbs 29:15 says, “To discipline and reprimand a child produces wisdom” and Proverbs 19:18 says, “Discipline your children while there is hope. If you don't, you will ruin their lives.” The best way to teach our children self-control is by demonstrating it in our own actions. Learn to ask forgiveness and say "I'm sorry" if you have lost control or acted in anger and rage.