Effects Of Divorce On Children

QUESTION: What are the effects of divorce on children?

ANSWER:

The effects of divorce on children are substantial. The statistics of these effects are staggering. For me, the effect of divorce on children is much more personal since my mom and dad were first divorced when I was two years old.

I don't remember the first divorce since I was so young. However, mom remarried a year later. She lived with this husband for seven years and then divorced again. This time, the divorce really hurt because I had grown to love this "dad." Again, a new man became married to my mom less than a year later and they stayed together for about 20 years.

So, what were the effects of divorce on me? I can think of several life impacts:

I never had a solid relationship with a father. I missed the things he would have taught me -- such as how to fish or build things. I did not receive help with sports at all and thought I was failure at athletics.

I resented my mother for "what she did to me." This was a selfish way of looking at it, but that is honestly how I felt.

I never accepted my second step father and the teen years were full of stress for the whole family. I felt he had no right to discipline me and constantly told him so.

These divorces and remarriages meant that we moved about every two years. Thus, it was very hard to make and keep friends. I am still more of a loner today because of it.

In one way, the usual effect of divorce on children has been different for me. All the statistics say that children of divorce are much more likely to get a divorce themselves later in life. However, I became determined that I would never put my children through the same type of "hell" in which my mom put me. My experiences with divorce gave me the motivation I needed to get through the tough times of my 30 years of marriage.

The other important reason my wife and I have remained married all of these years is that, along the way, we became followers of Jesus Christ. Since we had made a vow on our wedding day to say together "until death do us part," we believe we need to do all we can to honor that promise to Him. No doubt, our children have benefited from this commitment by not needing to go through the same experiences I did.