Preteen Masturbation

QUESTION: As a parent, what should I know about preteen masturbation?

ANSWER:

Those of you who are parenting a preteen son, know that preteen masturbation is an overwhelming discovery for most kids. During the preteen years, chemicals and hormones in their bodies often replace their ability for rational thought. This leaves the parents of preteens with the problem of how to rationally approach an irrational dilemma.

Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, authors of Preparing Your Son For Every Man's Battle insist on the importance of open communication long before the teen years, "The game will be well into the second half if you wait until you see signs of sexual awareness in your son. In today's culture, once you see those sexual signs, you've waited too long. It's kind of like running the marathon but waiting until you're thirsty to start drinking water. You need to start drinking water long before thirst grabs your throat."¹

These authors also give several practical steps to preparing your son for sexual purity and moving their focus away from preteen masturbation and an addiction to pornography to a healthier view of sex. Focus on rational measures you can take to combat preteen masturbation as parent.

• Do not allow them to see movies with explicit sexual content - Remember both words and images affect a child sexually.
• Help them choose their music wisely - Set boundaries in this area and make sure your children know where you stand.
• Train their eyes - Be an example to your child by commenting on a woman's inside characteristics rather than her outside features.
• Protect your son from early romantic relationships.
• Stand guard against molestation - Talk to your kids about this and help them avoid situations where molestation might occur.
• Set the example of sexual integrity - Your actions speak very loudly! Lead by example.²
• Consult a Christian counselor or pastor for help.
• Ask God for guidance. It is important for you to ask for patience. He will work in His time.

No parent would argue that raising a child is an overwhelming task and experience. Fortunately, God does not intend for us to be overwhelmed; He does not intend for us to face any task, no matter how overwhelming, on our own.

I believe the best advice on parenting comes from the prodigal son. The story talks about how a son squanders his share of the father's estate. The father did not plead with the son to come back, nor did the father criticize the son for being irrational. Both of these activities would have been counter productive. The father did not give up hope; the father was always ready to shower his prodigal son with love. Our preteen sons need our unconditional love and communication to help them grow with a proper view of women and sex.