Separation and Divorce

QUESTION: How do I avoid long term separation and divorce?

ANSWER:

When you visit a couple of newlyweds, it is expected that you look at their wedding album. You see happy people, smiling faces, beautiful dresses, and men in tuxes. How proud they are to share this happy time with their guests. "This is us toasting our future together."

Have you ever visited someone who is presently separated from their spouse or recently divorced? Do they bring out a divorce album to share with you? "Here's Jim and I at the courthouse before Judge Billingsly. And this is a copy of the final divorce papers, suitable for framing. And here is one where Jim is packing all his stuff up and moving out."

Yet within the history of every divorce, there was a wedding followed by a marriage. The journey to the point of separation and divorce differs to some degree with each couple, but just as the wedding was a time of happy beginnings, now you have arrived (however the circumstances) at an unhappy ending. But life goes on. Isn't that the way it's supposed to work? But, how to go on? What to do now? What will the future look like? Will you ever feel happy again? The marriage ended, but your life did not.

You were part of a couple. Your friends referred to you as Jim and Debbie. But now, here you are alone. How one sees this time in their life depends greatly on whether they were the one seeking the divorce or they were the one trying to save the marriage, but fighting a losing battle.

Perhaps it's too late for marriage counseling, but it's not too late to seek out a counselor to help you deal with this transitional time in your life. First, you must have a goal in mind. Do you have hope that there might yet be reconciliation? Or have you accepted the finality of the relationship and need to know where to go from here?

You need supportive people in your life at this time. Sometimes you have friends that can be of great help, but often a support group of other divorced people, who are struggling as you are, can be a great resource. Frequently, you can locate such a group in a local church or family counseling center. They meet weekly and know what it's like to walk in similar shoes.

When we feel the sting of rejection, we often neglect our physical needs, which creates an environment where depression thrives. It is wise to eat a balanced diet and become part of a local gym or workout club.

Many churches have Sunday School classes and evening Bible study classes specifically for singles. Yes, you are presently single. One. But there are so many other people out there going through the same roller coaster ride of emotions that you are. They need you as much as you need them. You bring to the group an understanding that others cannot possibly have. Your life has taken a new direction. You have choices.

One of the strongest resources involves faith. A spiritual connection to One who has not abandoned you or made vows that were later broken. No, not a religion, but a Person. A Person who loves you more than you can even imagine. His name is Jesus. He knows your pain. Run into His arms and let Him embrace you, comfort you, bathe you in His unconditional love. You are not alone. You can be one in Him.