Step Mom

QUESTION: How can I be a good step mom without getting stepped on?

ANSWER:

A step mom will often feel stepped on and shoved in the back seat. Taking on the role of step mom is probably the most difficult role of all those in a blended family. Your success requires a great deal of patience, understanding, and a tremendous amount of support from your spouse.

As step mom, you are indeed an adult, it is your home too and you should receive the respect children give all adult authorities in their lives. BUT. . .after a time, especially with teens, they may still be rebelling against you. If so, what can you do to keep them from walking all over you?

The course of action may differ depending on whether the children live with you full time or come for weekend or summer visitation. However, either way there are some basics to follow:

• Never speak negatively about the children’s natural mother. Don’t try to replace her. You are an addition, not a replacement.
  
  
• Stand in unity with your spouse. Never disagree in front of the kids. If they are asking permission for something, don’t let them know which one is saying, “Yes” or ”No.”
  
  
• Communicate. Show you care about their feelings, interests, and problems. Let them know it’s a change for you too and you understand.
  
  
• From the beginning, spend time together as a family; they may rebel against the togetherness, but stand your ground when it’s a family outing. Show you want to be included, have fun, and be fun.
  
  
• Pray daily for God to give you favor with the children and pray that God will give you patience and guidance.
  
  
• Be a consistent, good example. Display affection and forgiveness.

Younger children will likely accept you in time. But teens may take much longer. As difficult as it may be, there may be a point when you have to let go and leave it in God’s hands. You cannot force others to cooperate or care; you can only do your part. You don’t have to face these times alone. Read and live by these words:

• When we feel fearful or alone, God is there and we can call on Him (Psalm 142:1-7; 1 Peter 5:7).
  
  
• Although we don’t know when or how this will be resolved, God hears our prayers and will provide us strength (Psalm 107:19-20;1 John 5:14-15).