Step Parent

QUESTION: What can I do as an unaccepted step parent?

ANSWER:

If you are an unaccepted step parent, my first words to you are “Don’t give up hope.” Things may look as if they will never change, and it may take years, but it can change!

The first step in addressing this problem is to look back and review your own behaviors and attitudes.

• First be sure that you and your spouse have a healthy marriage.
• Have you been patient and nurturing but not overbearing?
• Have you provided a peaceful and stable home?
• Have you asked forgiveness for mistakes you’ve made?

Be sure you have done or corrected all the appropriate issues and be careful that the children’s rejection has not left you with feelings of resentment, jealousy, or anger. The point is to be sure you are innocent of anything causing your step children to push you away.

It is difficult to realize that we have no control over what others do or feel, especially in dealing with family. However, we do have control over ourselves. By continuing our own efforts of patience, kindness, and understanding, we are leaving an open door for the children to walk through when they are ready. Don’t give up hope. Continue to do what you know is right and concentrate on the good things in life. Continue having faith that it will change.

Usually, step children have a preconceived notion of what a new step parent will be like. You have an opportunity to prove those notions wrong. Many step children have their minds made up ahead of time to not accept anyone new. Rejection is a common problem in step families so realize it is probably not “personal.” A good example of dealing with rejection is found in the Bible. Mark 6:4 relays that Jesus was in His own hometown, and His own neighbors and extended family rejected Him. Yet, this did not prevent Jesus Christ from continuing His purpose.

Even as an unaccepted step parent, pray for your children, step children, and spouse. Ask God to work on the hearts of your family. Ask Him to help you be the person you need to be and that He will strengthen you until such a time that your step children are ready. Don’t let their rejection keep you from enjoying your new marriage or from continuing to parent them. You cannot change your step children, but don’t give up hope.". . .Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God" (Mark 10:27).